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DICK

So, you want to know how Santa manages to travel around the globe delivering presents to millions of homes…and how he manages to deliver all these gifts in one night. In other words, what is the technology or the method by which – Father Christmas – Santa Claus manages this incredible task? Is that right?

WOMAN #2

Yeah.

DICK

Well Santa, how do you do it?

SANTA

It’s all very simple Phil I just bend the laws of time and space. It comes naturally to me, and I guess I don’t think about it much. You know, no occupation is perfect. There’s a lot to do in this line of work and at this time of year, I’m pretty busy. I have guest appearances to make in parades, shopping centers, and the occasional massage parlour. It’s a tough and thankless gig in a lot of ways, but somebody’s got to do it.

DICK

If it’s such a thankless job, why do it?

SANTA

Because I’m a Saint. That’s what Saints do.

DICK

What about healing the sick and feeding the poor?

SANTA

Look, Phil, I’m just a guy in a red suit, flying through the sky in a sleigh – I’m not God. Let’s stick to reality here. There’s only so much any one Saint can do.

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CAST OF CHARACTERS

DICK COREY: Television host
KRIS KRINGLE: Santa Claus
WOMAN #1: Woman in Audience
WOMAN #2: Woman in Audience
VIRGINIA: Woman in Audience
NORM: Man in Audience
SPARKLES: An Elf

Casting can be flexible. For example, Sparkles could be either male or female.

SETTING

Dick Corey Television Studio

TIME

Mid-afternoon shortly before Christmas

Past Productions

Originally a part of The Dick Corey 25th Anniversary Christmas Special produced in 1987

PHIL DONAHUE: David Winning
KRIS KRINGLE: Stan Edmonds
VIRGINIA: Maria Slabe
SPARKLES: Bill Kelly
AUDIENCE: James Hutchison, Murray Adams, Sheri Fisk, Leon Joosen, and a few others who I’ve now forgotten

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